So the past few weeks maybe months I have been on the quest to find love and snag a relationship... well I know you are wondering how that turned out. I did find someone to "talk" to in other words date. In the black urban community most people call dating "talking" to someone which is just plain stupid, they think if you don't call it dating then you don't have to do dating things or another perspective could be that "talking" is the stage before dating (shrug) .
Well whatever lol, what I'm finding out is that they say relationships are hard but they are even harder when you're the one in it. It might just be me because I'm so use to be alone that I'm not use to waiting on someone for anything. If I want something or want to do something I go do it, I don't have to wait for anyone to catch up. Its funny I guess in that aspect I am a very independent women.
The thing is that when you start up a relationship, dating, everything is slow. As it should be, enjoy the moment, enjoy the person, savor the flavor because it won't always be as sweet. My problem is I want everything fast!! I want to put a label on everything all in the same breath I have to keep telling myself that just because you put a label on the relationship doesn't stop him from going else where lol. Its a constant battle within myself, trying to get me to slow down and enjoy the roses instead of skipping by them. Its only been a month, I know I'm rushing into things.
I know the reason why I'm rushing too, I'm so afraid that he will walk out of my life just like my dad, just like napoleon. I'm afraid I'm going to offer you my heart and you will take and stomp all over it. Now its just irrational that a label will change anything lol. If anything that will hurt me even more! At least I know where this fear steams from and I can try to reign myself in from the fear.
I thought I was ready for relationship but truthfully I don't know the first thing about it. I don't have any personal successful relationships to compare anything to, so I'm really feeling my way through this whole thing. I enjoy his company, that in itself means everything to me. Who wants to be around someone they can't stand. When he's next to me he makes me feel like a queen, a doll, he makes me feel precious lol. I can be myself with him, I can love my family, we can watch cartoons, I can be stupid and he accepts me and seems to enjoy it lol.
If I just play it cool it everything could go just right but its easier said than done. I don't like to wait I want everything fast so like i said before I'm battling myself constantly about what's normal and what's not. If he doesn't txt me back immediately I get huffy but I know sometimes I cant txt back immediately. I don't know why its so hard for me to take a chill pill and wait this thing out. If I don't I could mess this thing up/
I'm learning that things in my past have such a devastating effect on what I'm trying to accomplish now, I have to pray often for help and guidance . that's something I didn't do with napoleon, it could make all the difference. I hate that I don't have a trusted male individual to talk to about stuff like this but I'm going to make it!
Ill let you guys know if I'm going to make it to round two lol
Well whatever lol, what I'm finding out is that they say relationships are hard but they are even harder when you're the one in it. It might just be me because I'm so use to be alone that I'm not use to waiting on someone for anything. If I want something or want to do something I go do it, I don't have to wait for anyone to catch up. Its funny I guess in that aspect I am a very independent women.
The thing is that when you start up a relationship, dating, everything is slow. As it should be, enjoy the moment, enjoy the person, savor the flavor because it won't always be as sweet. My problem is I want everything fast!! I want to put a label on everything all in the same breath I have to keep telling myself that just because you put a label on the relationship doesn't stop him from going else where lol. Its a constant battle within myself, trying to get me to slow down and enjoy the roses instead of skipping by them. Its only been a month, I know I'm rushing into things.
I know the reason why I'm rushing too, I'm so afraid that he will walk out of my life just like my dad, just like napoleon. I'm afraid I'm going to offer you my heart and you will take and stomp all over it. Now its just irrational that a label will change anything lol. If anything that will hurt me even more! At least I know where this fear steams from and I can try to reign myself in from the fear.
I thought I was ready for relationship but truthfully I don't know the first thing about it. I don't have any personal successful relationships to compare anything to, so I'm really feeling my way through this whole thing. I enjoy his company, that in itself means everything to me. Who wants to be around someone they can't stand. When he's next to me he makes me feel like a queen, a doll, he makes me feel precious lol. I can be myself with him, I can love my family, we can watch cartoons, I can be stupid and he accepts me and seems to enjoy it lol.
If I just play it cool it everything could go just right but its easier said than done. I don't like to wait I want everything fast so like i said before I'm battling myself constantly about what's normal and what's not. If he doesn't txt me back immediately I get huffy but I know sometimes I cant txt back immediately. I don't know why its so hard for me to take a chill pill and wait this thing out. If I don't I could mess this thing up/
I'm learning that things in my past have such a devastating effect on what I'm trying to accomplish now, I have to pray often for help and guidance . that's something I didn't do with napoleon, it could make all the difference. I hate that I don't have a trusted male individual to talk to about stuff like this but I'm going to make it!
Ill let you guys know if I'm going to make it to round two lol
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