Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Wait on Love

People say wait on love, stop looking and when you stop it will come to you. I agree with the statement to wait on love and stop trying to force something with someone that wasn't meant to be, however I keep wondering how exactly am I suppose to stop and wait. Does that mean stop noticing sexy men? I mean I scan my perimeter where ever I go checking to see if there is any sexy fellas around not necessarily to speak to them but  just to look at them  lol (if you haven't noticed I'm boy crazy). Maybe the statement doesn't mean just stop talking to guys or dating altogether but instead SLOW down, don't jump down a man's throat  with "you love him" the first time he calls you (dramatic example), feel him out. Get to know what he is all about don't give your heart away like Sam's club or Costco gives away free samples. With love on my mind I started to investigate this seemingly simple thing.
For the last couple of months I've been walking around the house exclaiming to my mom that "if only I can find the formula to love!" I'm really taking this love and dating equation seriously and I think they go hand and hand. I personally believe in old school dating and the rules of chivalry, so I want the guy to come to my door with flowers and pay for the date. Now in these days its so hard to find a guy who also believes in chivalry and who can also afford do it. I realize that you have to be aware of the guys financial status, I don't think I would dismiss a hardworking man just because he can't afford flowers and to pay for the whole dinner. However on the other hand, I still feel as if one can't afford a two for 20$ dinner deal than that guy probably shouldn't be dating until they get themselves together. In that particular situation though its all about what YOU are willing to  accept, if a man not being able to take you out for dinner is ok with you, than don't worry about it or complain later that he can't ever do anything nice for you because YOU allowed it!

Act like a Lady Think like a man
Moreover, I've been watching movies and reading books about dating and love, of course one of the books I had to pick up was Steve Harvey's : Act like a lady, Think like a man! The book was simple enough to read and I'm not saying I agree with all of his reasoning but thats not to say that the book is a complete waste because all in the same breath Steve has some really good tips on dating. Such as don't give the man the play book to your heart, that is let him figure his way out and he can use HIS creativity and probably keeps things interesting as well. He says that you can tell a man what you DON'T like and what you WON'T allow but other than that let him find his way to your heart. 
Another good tip was have faith and let a bad man go, if he doesn't have any of the desired qualities you like than find comfort in the fact that that man wasn't for you. We ladies have to be a little bit more selective, screen in just like the cops do when they need to find suitable applicants for the job, that is, find the good ones and from the good litter pick the best one. Steve also mentions that fact the women are under the impression that every man might be her husband and in fact no such thing is true and its ok to let a man go. I know that in the Black community that women do find it hard to let go of a man because they believe in the idea that they could be leaving their future husband. I found solace in that statement, it allowed me to be ok after I started talking to a guy and I found out that he wasn't a match and I had to tell him I was no longer interested. I finally felt justified and empowered. 
Lastly, letting a man work for your ummm as he put it "cookie"  was also good to know from a mans stand point. At first, I didn't agree with Steve's point but the more I thought about the more it made since. They always say " Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" That gives you time to get to know him and let the passion build up as well as give you some kind of idea of how committed he is to getting to know you. I thought why the heck not give it a try for this simple reasoning:  you gain a tool that aids in deciphering from who just wants to get into your pants and cuts down on how many men you sleep with not to mention if you've already tried everything else what's it going to hurt to try the 90 day rule?   
I have mentioned a few good tips and there are plenty more in Steve's book and I would suggest it to anyone on any level of the dating game. Act like a Lady, Think like a Man will definitely help women navigate  through the murky waters of  the dating scene.

Also, I'm finding out that love isn't precise or so cut and dry, black or white. Love is about as much of an gray area as a slab of slate is.... hmmm... that should tell you something. Finding a good man is not necessarily trying to find a man that fits all your ideals of what a man is or should be but instead what you are willing to accept. If you are fine with a man being a stay at home dad and he makes you happy then go for it, be unapologetic about your choice and don't concern yourself with what people think about it.Also, if you are truly happy with him you won't feel the need to change him. Moreover, sometimes love is easy as a deal breaker, there are some flaws you will be able to deal with and some you will not and that is also how you learn your boundaries and standards. 

I haven't completed my investigation into finding love but one thing is apparent that love isn't just a simple solution, you have to plug in tidbits of advice and information and piece it altogether. So, far what I have found has been very helpful in my search for love and how to distinguish what man is an option and what man doesn't and shouldn't have a chance with me. While I'm investigating love it gives me time to work on myself and I never knew what people meant by this until I recently realized I have trust issues but I will leave that for my next blog. Remember Love yourself first!


frustrating love by nanznz


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