Sex

Today I can't stop thinking about sex, seriously the song "Let's talk about sex" by Salt N Pepa is playing in my head! I would like to say Im not a fan of causal sex but I don't want to be contradictory instead I offer this disclaimer the act of having casual sex seems to deminish the value of the emotional connection between two people.Mind you, that sex is not bad or evil, it was created by God; sex is good in nature and meant to be beautiful but depending upon the way one chooses to use sex is what causes its defamation. Now back to my  story


I'm mad my fwb moved a way, I can't believe he left me vulnerable to other prey! With time I have matured and I have come to realize that the whole friends with benefits situation is not a rational choice and has no benefits outside of pleasure.

I have been hurt by being in one of these agreements and it was my own fault. The terms seem simple enough but many times I fall prey to my own psyche, I have high expectations and Im always hopeful. I think things will change and the conditions aren't permenant or that I could make these men love me.....WRONG!!!! You can not change people and if you enter and into one of these agreements you are in a way cheapening yourself or giving yourself the damn short stick, I feel like these men know it too and they take advantage. The advantage that I gave them! SMH!

Everyone seems to think that if you keep your emotions out of the equation then everything will be alright but that doesnt matter. You develope a sense of comradery when you have sex with the same man repeatedly. A friendship forms  and you get comfortable then the feelings start to form. I have no idea what goes on in the men's psyche as all of this is happening. Perhaps they have truly learned how to be detached from certain situations.


Moreover, these situations never seem to work out , Im the type of person who wants to care for someone, love them and nurture them. However, I need it all back in return lol. Thats why I have not entered into a new FWB agreement with anyone lately, I have recycled the old ones but not any new ones. I expect more from my lover, someone to invest time and love  in me just like I will them.

I hope that I can keep up my standards and not fall victim to my weakness but if I do I hope I can get right back on track lol

To admit that I know casual sex is morally damaging is scary!!! I just know in the end Im going to have to answer to God for my actions. I can just imagine standing in front of God while he is asking me "Why if I knew better, did I continue to participate in premarital sex?" I have no answer lol and I pray this alone can not send me to hell!