No place

Sometimes I feel like I don't have a place in my family and that I have no power within it. I think the notion that I am powerless tends to dictate my choices in life and now that I realize that my will may be tainted, it totally aggravates and frustrates me. To make things so bad is that I'm the eldest child so I feel as if I should have way more power and freedom than I have now. That's another degree of fu#ked-upness I have none of the power that is suppose to go with being the eldest child!