Red Panties

Where to begin?

So much has happened in my life since my last blog, I managed to find love, I'm closer than ever to my graduation, I'm still struggling with identity issues and I'm pondering my spirituality.

Ah, I started my New Year of 2013 rather superstitiously I read some where online that if a person wears red underwear than they will find love and passion that year. Well there I was in my red thong as the ball dropped believing with all my might that I was going to be with someone this year and we were going to be in love with each other. I wasn't just participating in a superstition, I just knew that a love would find me.


Now, you may wonder why love was my priority on my list of resolutions. Well, I was turning 24 that January and I have never found some one that loved me. I have loved a few since high school  and those one-sided love situations hurt me deeply, not to mention they weren't relationships but rather acquaintanceships. I can't really call them friends with benefits because those are just sexual relationships. What we had was more personal, we were friends and we talked and we would joke but none the less we were just familiar strangers passing in the night.

I digress, I think the fact that I have never been in a relationship with a public boyfriend was also eating away at me. I couldn't figure out how I kept ending up in acquaintanceships, I was trying to prove to myself and perhaps the world I was good enough to love. Not to mention that I live in a small city with a town feel to it, in other words it's small and countrified with some city influences. Everybody keeps in touch through Facebook and you can preview all of your high school friends lives from the comfort of your home. Many of my friends are married, engaged or have children, I'm not ready for kids yet but now I feel so inexperienced and so alienated. I feel defective in comparison to some of these people when I really shouldn't have because everybody's journey is different is but, that's another lesson for another blog. I guess in short, I wanted to be included, I wanted to know what the hubbub was about.

Viola! 30 days later on January 31, 2013 would get my chance,  I met a man! It didn't quite start off the way I envisioned, I thought for sure that he was just going to be a blip in my life but he surprised me. He kept calling, texting and coming back. That's where my new journey began, sometimes I wondered if I willed him in my life or even if it was a coincidence ... I'll never know I guess that's one of life's mysteries but I do know I'll forever believe in the power of the red panties!